Thousand suppressed feelings and inevitable irritability. Do I sound like I’m having PMS? God, but that is always how I feel nowadays. Like sometimes I just ask myself out of nowhere: What the fuck is your problem??? Sigh, I’m tired of figuring what is wrong with me so I just settle with my simplest explanation: it’s just the way I am and I can’t change it no matter how I badly want to, it’s like an innate kind of personality flaw or should I say personality tantrums.
I’ve always been an ambiguous person, I don’t know what I want and I’m pretty quite sure I don’t know myself. And what’s happening to me now? I haven’t had a single clue. It’s like the feeling that you’re swimming in a thousand gallons of mixed emotions but you feel nothing but empty. It’s like someone snatched your soul and you’re just left with a mortal body: walking, talking and interacting but you show no emotion. It’s weird, even how I interact with the people I like or care about, I wanted badly to talk to them more and make them laugh but I feel so restraint I can’t do anything about it. I wanted badly to feel something, just to feel that I’m still real but it never comes, well sometimes it does come but it’s never really the appropriate one; that’s why I get irritated a lot. I’m a shitlful, senseless and humorless prick; how can I expect to have a better and caring social life with this kind of attitude?
I don’t know if there’s just a loose connection between my mind, my heart and my soul. I don’t know if I have a problem and it is just my body’s way of reacting upon it but I just hope I know it sooner, so I can fix it and deal with properly so I can be human again and feel something that is appropriate.
I’ve always been an ambiguous person, I don’t know what I want and I’m pretty quite sure I don’t know myself. And what’s happening to me now? I haven’t had a single clue. It’s like the feeling that you’re swimming in a thousand gallons of mixed emotions but you feel nothing but empty. It’s like someone snatched your soul and you’re just left with a mortal body: walking, talking and interacting but you show no emotion. It’s weird, even how I interact with the people I like or care about, I wanted badly to talk to them more and make them laugh but I feel so restraint I can’t do anything about it. I wanted badly to feel something, just to feel that I’m still real but it never comes, well sometimes it does come but it’s never really the appropriate one; that’s why I get irritated a lot. I’m a shitlful, senseless and humorless prick; how can I expect to have a better and caring social life with this kind of attitude?
I don’t know if there’s just a loose connection between my mind, my heart and my soul. I don’t know if I have a problem and it is just my body’s way of reacting upon it but I just hope I know it sooner, so I can fix it and deal with properly so I can be human again and feel something that is appropriate.
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