...Hole Inside ME...

There’s something wrong with me. I feel like somebody bore a hole inside me and snatched it away from me, like a donut. This hole, this emptiness, this missing piece…is YOU.

Swimming into the depths of memories and diving in to search for the one that I truly cared for…the one that just fits in me, captivated my soul by just having the distinct persona that you posses, the only ONE, my happiness.

It’s hard to move when you’re not around, for everywhere I go there’s no escape of ever keeping you off of my mind…the sudden bliss of merely just being with you, the acceptance, the warmth, the connection that attached me to you and the security and contentment that i feel everytime I'm wrap around those arms of yours.

My eyes are already dripping of melancholy by just saying it…my heart melts just by the thought of it…my every soul weakens everytime I feel it.There’s nothing lot to say…just this three words… I miss you.

That simple void in meaning words is all that I can say to you…

I miss you…so bad.

I wanna hear myself laugh again, like the times I laughed when we were just acting dumb and being crazy. Wanna be able to feel that once more, I wanna be myself again…break this wrap that covered me, rupture this before I die of asphyxiation…help me breathe in normally again…loneliness is killing me everyday...darn, I need you.

...sense of pride...

Breathing in the air of a land I never thought I will set foot on...challenging myself to fit in and fighting the urge of nostalgia to not kick in..chasing after my lost dreams and emancipating my soul from grudges & negativity..im trying..trying hard.

I am overwhelmed by all this sudden events but I am not in shock. I am happy that I am here but not totally happy. I'm scared at the momment for everything is so new and so over the top that sometimes I find it hard to follow and comprehend. Every now and then a sudden gloom will penetrate me for no reason but I don't wanna hear a crap about regretting, I'm coping, okay? And Im trying so bad to adjust to this sudden change or else I will be left behind.

It's just that, I suddelnly realized the value of harwork and that being dependent to yourself only can be a little frustrating and lonely at the same time. Growing up, I'm always used to depending my faith in other's hands and now here I am alone and taking care of myself. It's a big change but I'm happy for myself in a way that I'm earning money from my own hard work and eventhough my mother and sister will say it's not that much for a pay and my friends will taunt me for such a low class type of work, which greatly hurt my competitiveness and ego by the way, But you know what? Somewhere deep inside me is a sense of pride for myself coz I greatly earn all that and accomplish it with my own self doing...that for a long time in my 19 years of existence, I found a new reason to be proud of myself and respect her :)

...totally moved on...

How will you know you trully moved on from someone?

It is when you look at them and listen to them talk...only to realize that the "magical" feeling that drove you crazily and passionately "in love" with him is gone. That the person you are now staring at is just a known face with a known name.

...love stoned...

I no longer feel the magic of love
I am stoned.
I don't wanna be vulnerable again.
coz everytime I fall,
no one ever really catch me.

I fall so swiftly
So I have to pay the consequence of it:
Falling helplessly and crashing with a hurtful pain.

Building dreams and fairytale fantasies of love
had swept away my sanity..
Having illusions of of a perfect love
is such a petty excuse for my insecurities
and a desperate attempt to save myself from loneliness.

Love can kill as they say...
I have been killed by it several times
and now I'm wondering how come I'm still here?

No more secrets...
No more lies to cover up embarassment...
No more pretending!

I am weak
So don't you dare break me,
I'm fragile.

...how i saw myself before...

im a simple nothing whatever-goes type person na at first glance kala mo harmless pro a real pain in the ass pala...my expectations & pathetic dreams have made me from who i am ryt now..kaladkarin pagdating s mga lakad at minsan my sariling mundo...d dw marunong magalit...mlaks mangarap kya laging bigo, hehe...simple things in life make me smile and likewise to make me dpresssed...i love my life, though complicated, i will continue loving it! ^-^
i love my friends 4 in them-i found my sunctuary, hapiness and loud funking music, hehe..

"I go where my heart beckons me, and I go with my head high. But sometimes, I get a need until I bleed so my heart swims above my head"


emotional freak, hyper at cry baby nga daw sabi ng iba..pro once n nkl2 m nko, i guess mssny k n s mga weird habits ko...mhlg ako kmnta pro music doesnt like me dat much ...im a type of person na will do anything just help others, watcha see is what 'ya dont get. i fancy ppol hu has strong personality espcially dos who olweiz seems to hav no problems, time spent with them makes life much interesting : makulit poh ko at minsan parang bangag..im a type of person n will feell self worth if i hav smthing to do..i tend to be a loner and whatever i believe in it verges to be fanatical...sometimes, i waste a lot of my time searchng of "something" that i don't even know what...im a lost soul, waiting to find the real me, i wanna discover & xperience great joy & fulfillmet in lyf (OA ba?) i like doing things in my own way, i like drnking cofee & staring at the stars...i enjoy watchng movies & doing thngs i've never done b4...my friends call me "peng" its a long story but it is short for penguin, nature lover dw, i enjoy taking pictures & writing crazy stuffs..mdyo mahiyain pro s umpisa lang namn, hehe...shit always happens but this gurl? she may fall a hundred tyms but one thing's for sure..she'll remain standing.

"BE LIKE THE DUCK! COOL AND UNRUFFLED ON THE SURFACE BUT PADDLING HARD UNDERNEATH