...nowhere near okay...

i stumble everytime i believe I'm doing okay, i struggle to remain my composure, just to say im strong. i dodge away my negativity just to fool myself that there is still hope but now? im nowhere near okay, im close to hitting the ground yet i have nothing to hold onto, no one to catch my fall or no one to help me.

how many times do i have to be hurt, cry and bleed to learn? do i just lack presence of mind? or am i just playing dumb? or maybe the simplest answer would be - I'm just dumb. i can't go to work now! i feel fucked up. fed up and burnt out of embarrassment! and thanks for the hot gossiping that surely helps my over to the top confidence! i hate snakes. i hate backfighters, i hate hypocrites, i hate kind people who always say it's ok eventhough they know I'm a loose cannon, i hate people talking to me like they know and understand how shitty i feel...i hate them all! but mostly i just hate myself.


im here, all alone, cold, beaten up and crying in the corner. feeling like a crap and defeated. i surrender. i can't win this stupid battle that i forced myself into...i can't take another step no more for i'll made another dumb mistake or worse, that I'll humiliate myself even more....no more. im tired. each day is already a lose battle that's killing me slowly...

i just wanna rest till every part of my aching soul replenish...till the last drop of tears from eyes fall, till i find my hope again.

im nowhere near okay.