Heart pounding.
Body shaking.
Sweat dripping.
I don’t know how can I start to describe how I feel that day and how can I construct a sentence to give you a clear picture. All I know is that it was pretty intense, a mixed emotion of being excited, nervous, frightened and being impatient. I came to school that day excited because I know that the results for our qualifying exams will be posted. Still, the excruciating wait and the dread of not finding my name on that list is make me want faint. Aargh! I’m excited to know whether my 5-day 6-subject compression reviewing paid off yet, I’m not prepared to not see my name on that list and experience the crushing of my ego, dreams and the worst feeling, being a loser.
The time was 2:00pm when our professor said the results will be posted any time later. At first, I was excited but when I walked down the stairs to gather with other of my classmates and sat down with them, I felt a sudden jolt of nervousness and fear. The crowd is busying themselves singing, chatting and joking around but deep inside I know like me, they are just trying to outwit the growing tension building up inside our very self. I’m mingling with them but my mind is flying, still on what will be the result of our battery exam…in just a minute, thousand of ideas are flying inside my head, I want it to stop but it still goes on…wahh! In a split of a second, I think I’m going to be insane! Slowly, I felt cold. I wonder if it was just really chilly outside or is it just me??
3:30pm, everytime I looked at my watch I’m starting to freak out coz I know that each minute will lead me faster to know the truth! Now, I’m disoriented and my heart is pumping so fast and loud that I can barely breathe. Aah! I wanted to scream so badly but my urge to scream just turned out to deep exhales…ahh any minute by now; I’ll know what will be my future …
4:40pm…a group of clinical instructors walk passed us and said that the dean already had the result and will be posted now…those words made us all scream…damn it! It’s the real deal. Oh, all of us sank with fear and we all became nervous! That’s why we decided to pray… at some point in the prayer I’m closed to crying…oh my God! All I can say is: Please let us pass all!
We walked to the nursing building with our hearts pounding like a monster! I surveyed my classmates, some of them closed to crying, some are already crying, some are fussing every now and then, some are worried, some look the same, some not eager to know the result, some are freaking because of nervousness and some just took it smoothly.
When we are in the building the atmosphere was really extreme especially when we are asked to step outside and they closed the glass door for them to post the list. When one of them came out, holding the list I just said to it: This is it! I stood up, gave a loud exhale and focused my eyes to the professors. When they opened the door, it was like in a concert when they first opened the gate, all of us come racing to the bulletin board. We scan for our student numbers furiously and desperately. Gosh! I searched first in the last paper and got worried only to find out I’m in the first page and I’m top26 out of the 300 something students who took the exam! Aw! It was really one of the happiest moments of my life! I screamed so hard and called my parents and texted all of my friends! Wow! I passed the exam! Wuhoo!!!!!
I can't describe it all I know is that it was the purest bliss I ever encountered for 18 yrs of my life! I feel that I have proven something and I earned a worth for my being. A sudden proudness to myself that I only acquired now! Ah…all of it just happened in one day!
Thank you Lord for not leaving us all behind….
Deo Gracias!
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