...?...

lately the wind of the past has been tormenting my inner soul...slowly it'll hug my weary soul and my hopeful heart...it'll quench the undying passion that have long been forgotten...my thoughts will be disoriented again...my faintest concentration will be imposible to see...my eyes will be so red again, not just by tears but by lack of comfort of sleep...my hands will be full of ink coz of the simultaneous flow of emotions...i will be the old me...the old and hopeless me...stop. i thought you've ended this before??

please tell me...how can you stop a loyal heart from loving? how can it be thought not to love no more? is it its fault to choose you? or me who have turned my back on what it really feels??

...pangarap...

heto ako, nakatingin na naman sa tanikalang naging sanhi ng mga ambisyong bumubuhay sa akin. binubulag ako ng mga pag-asang may liwanag pa sa kanila ng malaking pader na animo'y pumipigil sa lahat ng dapat at nais kong gawin sa buhay.

mahirap, mahirap umasa lalo na kung ito'y walang katiyakang siya ngang matutupad, ibibigkis ka lamang nito sa natatanging antas ng buhay at iiiga sa kasadlakang siya lamang ang maaaring tumapos. sa bawat salitang aking sasabihin at sa bawat aking gagawin, tila may humahatak sa akin papalayo, papalayo sa mga bagay na nais kong gawin. inilalayo sa 'kin nito ang pagkakataon na gawin ang ibig kong gawin...nakakapagod na, bakit ba ayaw pumanig sa akin ng kapalaran kahit minsan lamang?

iminulat ko ang aking mga mata sa paraisong nais kong tirahan, hindi pa rin nito mababago ang katotohonan at ang aking kapalaran. mananatili pa rin akong isang talunan at walang kwenta...mananatili pa rin akong AKO. dahil sa isang pangarap, malaki man o maliit ay hindi kailanman matutupad kung ikaw ay walang tiwala sa 'yong sarili, pagsisikap at malalim na pananampalataya. ibuhos ko man ang lahat, walang mangyayari pagkat sa sarili ko pa lang...tila wala nang pag-asa pagka't sa lahat na lamang ng aking gagawin ay palaging may pag-aalinlangan.

kaya, tanikalang bituin na aking tinitingala bawat gabi, nawa'y patawarin ang nilalang na ngayo'y nalulunod na lamang sa mga pangrap na kaniyang binuo...pangarap, kay hirap mang sabihin ay parang naglaho na lamang parang hanging walang pakialam na masayang naglalaro sa kalawakan.

...give me...

give me a reason to carry on, give me something to hold on to, give me room where i can breathe, give me space where i can dwell, give me back my only reason for everything.

how come space and time spent away can't seem to erase every bit of love i have for you? why can't laugh carry and patch up every sprinting pain and fear? how come someone be too untiring to remember and love??

what is it you have that keeps me following you helplessly? I've anticipated the wind of change but until now, it still haven't come to visit my wounded soul.

the stars, the moon, the pitch black darkness...how come they all conspire to make me gloomy and think of you?

across every building and distance, a person lays here still thinking of every bit her lover has left her.

i cant force love to anyone certainly if he doesn't love me but why does love has to be cruel enough to force love on me but never really give him to me?

give me hope for i don't wanna loose my faith, give me strength for i never wanna quit. give me light for i never wanna live in darkness...

...take me...

when time swirls so brisk that our naked hands can't even grasp it and when everything seems so out of place...all along we thought that time is the one catching us but now for me, i am the one trying to catch time...

take me to the arms i once belonged, take me to where i first found eternal bliss, take me to where i belong...ain't it funny how two different person meet and capture one's heart? you've owned every bit of me, my heart and even my soul, nothing is left for me-i gave it all. but having everything at risk, does it really makes sense at all? I'm drained and full of stress...but how could it still find a way to slip a single thought of you?

I'm searching for myself only to find out that every part of me was...YOU.

...live & forget...

bury all your love. bury it six feet from the ground so that no one else could ever find it. lock the coffin and throw the key away. it's time to forget and free yourself from all the fuss of love. and if it comes back to haunt you, hold your hands and count to ten, curse it back from where it come from and think of all the morbid pain it have putted you in...

i know it's hard pretending that you don't love him but would it hurt more if you stay and cling unto him for hopes of you and him to be together/ that he loves you too?

love has slain me and God knows how much i suffered. let it rest for a long time and awaits who could save her off her mortality..

...lost w/o u...

as the moon shines its way through the sky and like the dark creeps through the sky, a man is starting to feel down and blue again. he looks at the sky but did not see any stars...it was all pitch black but he smiled...he smiled and puff a cigar then he laughed and saw the eyes of the one he loves in the blank sky. he felt a strong force through his eyes but did not mind, he puff more cigar and said: "How can i bury a face so sweet at the back of my memory? how can i forget someone whose face reminds me of joy? how can i feel bliss if seeing you is the only reason to be? how can i feel it when everytime i try to i become inevitably vulnerable? your touch weakens me, your voice tames me and your smile makes me breathless...but seeing you reminds me of an unbearable truth that-i really cant have you. it slaps me hard in the inside...why cant love be a happy one for me? you picked up every piece of me and have putted me back altogether again-you made me whole and you're the only reason why i'm still intact...but you know what? i wish you never have done that coz i'd rather be lost and alone than to be whole residing everyday of his life and dedicating it for a person that made him complete but cant still be whole bcoz he suffers greatly of escaping her out of his heart, mind and soul...i love you that the pain still lingers inside...why did i ever feel this?- i cant seem to sedate myself, .....I'm Lost Without You-"

...crazy...

Crazy for a love that can never be,
can never have and
can never be true...
should i let go?
should i be mature enough to hide
all the tears?
pain?
...love?
how can i?
...how can i let go of something that
keeps me alive??

...endless hopes...

i wish you can hear the deafening urge of my heart,
i wish you can hear every single thing it wants you to know...
i wish you'll hear the endless solemness it wanted to express,
i wish you could hear the three words that keeps popping whenever you're around...
but no matter how it likes to say it is barely impossible to happen...
coz
we are living in a separate world,
mine is a dream and yours is reality...
mine is full of hallucinations,
yours is nothing but pure truth...
i want to live in your world too!
is just that...
your world??
requires me out of your
life....

...thnks!...

i like to see your face once more and think of it as a friend...i wanna hug you tight for the first time and tell you how much you mean to me. i'll force a smile and try to hide my weakness, my pain...then, i'll let go of you and kiss you goodbye...and when i turn my back, i wish you could realize how strong i am coz it took me a lot of courage to battle down fears and sway all cobwebs inside my head...remember me that way okei??

i'll be proud of myself and even if it hurts like hell, i wont regret coz i took the chance of knowing you... you showed me something no one in my life had ever shown: honesty, happiness and love....THANK YOU!

...evoL...

they say that love is such a lonely worrd,
others say that it's a word nobody can say no;
others say that it's a shameful word to experience,
that it's a wordt\ to tell by destiny;
ah! destiny...patience is all you need.

its hard to tell the truth about love anymore
for there's so many lies...
lies lying underneath the sweeteness...
the hugs...
the kisses...
...the promises

for my heart wa brocken twice...
i think i shall never love
....and be loved again.

...destiny can only tell
...what will happen
....to the girl that once loved a man
and betrayed by faith.

...unwanted relation...

night covers the day
still...endless thoughts remain
in my head

you were there when i open my eyes
and so as when i close them
your smiles has been haunting me
every night in my dream
every laugh makes me complete
every tears takes away a big part of me

i thought i was the most unlikable person to fall
but with you?? , nothing seems impossible
i will do anything, if i can
...juz to make the person that made me complete again, happy.

i know things would be quite difficult
if i push this feeling of mine to another level
but if that's gonna be the source of your burden
and unhappiness
...let me be the one to walk away

you might never see me again,
but remembering me
...would be enough...

...picture frame...

i love you- a word that i said a billion times to you...only there's one problem...you never really answered me back. you're still there, bearing that sweet smile of yours and still posing your best, i miss you a lot, really...why cant you answer me back and say all the things that i'd been longing to hear? are my words so puny that you cant hear? are you happy just staring back at me? why cant you love me like i do you?

why do i keep on waiting for you???