...random thoughts...

i smiled as i think of you in my dreams...i packed my bags to find the happiness i once thought to be impossible to attain but i failed to realize that while I've been too busy searching for it, it was just with me, accompanying every step i take to my journey, i called LIFE.

i was blinded by all of my expectation, fear and anticipation of what happiness should be...I'm always tormented by my past. for i once believed that nothing can harm me from the truth, but i was wrong for truth? really does hurt...it cuts like a sharp blade of a knife and the sting can be felt all over your body...deteriorating all your hopes and bliss for the past couple of months..

i must admit, there were many things in my life that i just want to change...sometimes i wished to turn back the hands of time and erase all the dumbness I've done in my past or present life coz i thought maybe by then, my stupid conscience wont ever bug me at night and the sense of regret i felt wont be so high...coz to I'm so weary of feeling that way! I'm tired of stocking ever bits of anger i feel. i hoped for it to stop so that my eyes wont be so crinkly that it cant even drip a single tear...my heart or brain wont howl everytime my conscience have a tantrum..

i felt like I'm drifted away from all the things i should have experienced. i don't know. i feel like I'm always torn apart from something unknown...

these? were thoughts of a hopeless lass before but all these makes no sense now. things change and so as people...people grew mature everyday and as they do, they learn. they learn from the mistakes they've done...they have renewed principle and the way they see things...I'm 17..not mature enough...but i do feel mature. mature not in the sense that i am old but rather a person that has been strengthened by time, mistakes and experience. I've survived my trials, obstacle and occult rage and passion...my reverie of things had maim me but i am proud it did for i can never be what i am now without those...

you see, time plays an important part in our life, could be a healing time, a learning time or a grief time...sometimes we even thought of it as being not so generous to us but it is in our own decision if we spend every seconds, minutes or hours of our life purposeful or rather worthwhile to be remembered despite of some bitterness. dump all the grudges and fear...walk life with no burden :)